Ever since Adam died I’ve been writing poetry. Poetry is a fickle mistress and you can’t force the words, if they don’t flow you have to wait. Which is why my poetry is sporadic at best. Free verse is even harder to come by. You have to get the rhythm right or it sounds too much like prose. Strong emotion is the best muse for poetry and, unfortunately in this case, I have it right now in spades. I decided to write 52 Poems to Adam, a poem for every week of the first year after the accident. The first poem was titled “Adam” and was placed in the program for his funeral. Today’s poem is #2.
So without further ado, I give you “You’re a Part of Me”:
You’re a part of me, you know
As the blood in my body
The beat of my heart
The air in my lungs
The same DNA
Running through us both
Tying us inexorably together
Inextricably combined
Intertwined
You’re a part of me
That annoying, pestilential voice
In my head
Telling me to do this
Or that
In that knowing way of yours
That makes me want to refuse
On principle
You’re a part of me
As a shared history
Of my entire life
And most of yours
With those typical, no holds barred fights
Between two siblings
Who love and hate in a single breath
The one time I struck another human being
You
And how you forgave me instantly
Unreservedly
You’re a part of me
As that first voice of reason
In my world that had gone insane
Sharing a burden
A weight
Too heavy for a 13-year-old girl
Who didn’t understand
You’re a part of me
When you made jokes
And laughed at mine
When they were funny
And especially when they weren’t
You’re a part of me
Of us
The youngest of a family
That stuck together
Hung out
Loved and laughed together
Grew together
You will always be a part of me
When I heard about the accident
Searched frantically for answers
Felt the swift, brutal punch of confirmation
When they said your middle name—
Who gave them the right to say your middle name?
You will always be a part of me
When I kissed your brow
Broke down over my first sight
Of you
The same, but different
Austere and beautiful in repose
Cold
But not you
Not anymore
You will always be a part of me
When I last ran my fingers through your hair
The same hair
Despite everything
Your hair
You will always be a part of me
Even when they closed you away
Took you away from me
From us
Tearing my heart from my chest
Tearing out a little part of me
That’s you
Always you
You will always be a part of me
Especially when I cry
And laugh
And remember
You
Comforted in eternity
In the thought
That you will always be part of me
As I am a part of you
Tyger Tyger 